Fun at YearbookYourself.com

Gaffe a Minute

As I was reading through this great site, I was inspired to send in my own:

I was waiting tables at a popular chain restaurant when a young couple in their late teens sat down in my section. They were very nice and after talking with them for a while, I noticed that the young man sounded as if he had just had his tongue pierced. I have mine pierced, so I know that for a few days afterward, you talk pretty funny because you can hardly move your tongue. This guy talked exactly like a post-piercee; I was so convinced I was right that, in an attempt to connect with them further, I asked him, "So, when did you get your tongue pierced?"

It was like I dropped a gigantic rock on the floor between us. The couple's faces fell and they stared at me. There was a beat, full of pointed silence, then the girl frankly replied, "That's just the way he talks."

In an uncomfortable moment under their stares, it dawned on me that I had just accidentally made fun of someone with a speech impediment. My eyes grew wide, and my apologies spilled forth. I wanted them to realize that I am not the kind of person that would intentionally do anything of the sort. I finally realized I was probably digging myself deeper, so I sincerely apologized one last time and took my leave. I continued waiting on them, giving them the most personable, stellar service I can offer.

Fortunately, by the end of the meal, they had forgiven me!

Share your gaffes in the comments.. I would love to read them!

Yay, Economic Stimulus!

I really should be going to bed, but since I have been trying to get the answer to this question for days now, instead I am going to post something I just found to be very useful.

Calculate how much your tax rebate will be here.

Thanks, Mr. Bush, for helping me move out of Roanoke!

Why I'm a Bad Blogger

So, I'm pretty much back to square one here, writing this blog for myself. It feels a little ridiculous to post this, considering I lost what few readers I had by taking an unannounced year-and-a-half break. In a way, I'm sad.. none of my blog friends asked where I was or anything.. I just quietly faded off their blogrolls.

I can't blame them, though. I'll never be a good blogger for one reason; I can't write unless I'm inspired. I never intended to let my blog wither away in some lost corner of the internet, but life happens and sometimes you suddenly find all your energies focused in another direction. Blogging was always in my mind, but I don't know.. I just couldn't.

My time in Roanoke hasn't been fun and I find myself not having the mental energy to blog. For one, if I'm going to bitch about something here, I want it to be humorous.. and not much about Roanoke is entertaining. It's boring and conservative, I live in a trashy apartment complex, and, as a bonus, every work day is full of B.S. and catering to the sometimes-ridiculous whims of the local rich. I guess you could say I've been demoralized since moving here, and all of this doesn't exactly make for entertaining blog reading.

Even my picture-taking has suffered, and that is saying something! When I look in my photo folder, there are huge, months-long gaps between shoots. Even when I lived in Parkersburg and was at my most miserable, I was still taking pictures all the time.

As far as the blogging thing goes, the biggest thing is the inspiration issue. All my life, I've been told I should be a writer. Maybe so; I do have some talents in this area, but I have a gigantic obstacle: I can never finish any of my work because once the inspiration passes, I'm at a loss to continue. So has it always been with my blog; if you look through the archives, you will see that I'm a fairly sporadic poster.

I need to get over it and start blogging again for my own sanity. I need to focus some creative or whatever energies in a semi-constructive manner. So, as an excuse to get out and take more pictures, I'm toying with the idea of posting more photos here than I have in the past, at least until I leave Roanoke. Or maybe it'll be something I really like and it'll become a permanent feature.

Anyhow, I will be attempting to post more in the future and try to revive this poor, dead blog. Wish me luck.

Homo Erectus Extinctus

I just finished reading this article and I have to pass it on because I just find it endlessly fascinating. It is jam-packed with information on various topics related to the decline of the Y chromosome, artificial reproduction, and the latest technology that indicates it's possible for two women to use their genetic material to become parents.

"The bill is a reflection of much wider scientific and social changes. The technology to produce artificial sperm, or even create offspring from two females, is already in the pipeline; in addition, genetic evidence has shown that the Y chromosome, the only one that confers maleness, is in a long-term evolutionary decline."

An Afternoon in Portetto

False Advertising

So, when I was last at the grocery store, I decided to take a risk and I bought some Lean Pockets, in favor of eating just a smidge better than the regular ones. I always resisted trying them, even though the commercials always show some doofy dude who stole his wife's Lean Pockets and doesn't realize it because they taste so good. I'm afraid I never really bought it and I see now that I was perfectly correct in my fear of these abominations.

Now that I have tried these evil, icky cousins of my beloved Hot Pocket, I see these commercials with new eyes. It's not that the Lean Pockets are awesome, it's that the husband doesn't recognize it's a Lean Pocket because it's so much like eating a handful of sawdust and weird-tasting goo.

Yum. If their sales lag, they could always market toward people who have pica.

The Alena Burger

Hi.. I'm Alena.. remember me? Sorry for the haitus, it wasn't really intended, but blogging sort of took a back seat once my computer broke last year. After that, it's been sort of hard to get back into the groove. I haven't been writing much, period.

Anyway, onward and upward, shall we? Right then.

Not to toot my own horn or anything, but this here is honestly the best damn burger I have ever eaten. It's so good that I am compelled to share the recipe with the world so that everyone else can savor the perfection that is the Alena Burger.

This delicious sandwich was born, purely by accident, one evening when Jen had a craving for a Whopper and my craving was for fresh, homemade french fries. We decided to compromise; we'd eat at home and I would do my very best to recreate the Whopper. While in the produce section, we both noticed ripe avocados and when I found out Jen had never had avocado on a burger, I quickly talked her into adding it to ours. Then we saw the sweet onion burgers and our mouths watered... but aside from that, the burgers were as close to a Whopper as I could get and boy was the outcome goooooood. We've had them several times since. :)

For one burger:

-- 1 Sweet Onions Bubba Burger
-- Pepperidge Farm sandwich bun*
-- 2 slices American cheese
-- 2 rings from a white or yellow onion slice
-- Romaine lettuce, burger-sized leaf or bag mix
-- 2 slices of a good, ripe tomato
-- Mayo
-- Ketchup
-- Half an avocado

Cook hamburger** and while that's cooking, lightly toast sandwich buns. Put one slice of cheese on bottom bun. Spread mayo, ketchup, and avocado on top bun. Place the lettuce on the top bun, then the tomatos and onion. When the burger is cooked, place it on the bottom bun and put the second slice of cheese on top. Put the whole thing together and enjoy!


* The Pepperidge Farm sandwich buns are bigger than your average skimpy burger bun, plus they're yummy.
** Using a George Foreman grill (highly recommended if you don't have one), the burgers take about 7 minutes to cook from frozen all the way through (well done). ~6 minutes for med. well and ~5 minutes for medium.