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THIS WEEK: Dear John
Romero!! I've handed over the leash, er, reins to the Daikatana man himself, where he tackles
such pressing issues as the "let's just be friends" excuse, a three-testicled
Quake player seeking reassurance, small schmekkies and lack of body hair, some
poor dork in love with Kornelia, how to avoid throwing temper tantrums when you
lose a deathmatch, and... oh ye of little faith... it can be achieved! You
too can have hair like John Romero! In this Dear Mynx exclusive, John reveals
his ten step program for healthy, shiny hair. Strip down, grease up, and
wallow around with Dear John!
"Date, or date not -- there is no 'let's just friends be'."
There's this girl I know for about 6 years, and I told her that
I love her (which is true of course, I wouldn't have told her
otherwise...bla :). She blahd me that she just wanted to be friends,
which has always been sufficient for me, but I'd be really glad
to have a relationship with her. Got any tips?
-Friendly Guy
Well, it sounds to me like she's not really
into getting together with you. When a girl says she wants to
be friends, that means she doesn't
think you would work out as a couple so you should just settle
for friendship for now. The best way to get a girl to love
you is to put the time into the relationship. You need
to spend more time with her, doing things you both enjoy. After
a while she might come around to your way of thinking.
Triple Threat
I'm a normal guy, (16 years old) and
I have this weird... I don't know what to call it.. Mutation? My genitalia
are fine and everything and work... the problem is that,
right underneath my penis and a bit to the right, under the skin
there's some sort of 3rd ball... When I touch it through the skin
it feels just like another testicle.... Any idea what the hell
is this unwelcome visitor? Am I some sorta freak for having 3 balls
or something? I need help Mynx! What the hell is this 3rd ball? If
I go to a doctor will quarantine me and do tests on
me or something? (J/K) Anyway, any information you might have
about anything like this would be very welcome..
-Ballprobs
Uh, dude, you need to go see a doctor. That
"third ball" is most likely some sort of cyst or maybe
something worse. But if playing with your third ball gets you off,
hey, what's a little death in exchange for ecstasy? But seriously, you need
to go to a doctor, pull down your pants and
have him rummage around in your sack for a while
to figure out the problem.
It's Long, Glossy, and Smells Fruity
I
saw John Romero (formerly of id software, now Big Cheese at Ion
Storm) in person recently and he has THE MOST glorious hair I have
ever seen on a man!! Now, I'm a woman, I have long hair, but
it is *nowhere* near as glossy and healthy looking as
his! I feel like I should turn in my female
species membership card for this, or something. Anyway, I beseech you:
Can you worm any hair care tips out of John Romero? I would KILL for hair like that!!
-Hairenvious
Hey, thanks for the
compliment, it's not everyday that I get asked about my shiny hair secrets!
Okay, I've never told anyone my entire hair routine
before, but if you follow my advice, you too can have glorious hair
-- just like me! (j/k)
Here are the steps, in order:
(1) Shampoo hair (I use Finesse,
sometimes Pantene) and make sure it lathers up good before
rinsing.
(2) Rinse shampoo out of hair.
(3) Condition hair (use conditioner
that's the same brand as the shampoo) and make sure you apply the
conditioner at the ends first so they get the most amount of
conditioner because with long hair, usually the ends are the most
neglected.
(4) Wait 3 minutes. I usually brush
my teeth during this period. :)
(5) Completely rinse out all
conditioner
(6) When you get out of the shower,
towel-dry your hair as much as possible
(7) The next step is optional, but I
sometime put a hair straightener in because my hair is naturally
wavy. I use Get It Straight (Sebastian). Just a small
amount that you apply to your waviest sections (I usually apply it
near the ends).
(8) These last three steps are the most
important ones in the whole routine and are what make all the
difference: Blow-dry your hair until it's completely dry.
Don't half-dry your hair, you gotta go all the way. I always
flip my hair over in front of my face and look at the floor while
using a brush and hair dryer to slowly dry all my hair.
Brushing downward while drying will help straighten your hair and
completely drying it will make sure it doesn't kink up or curl
up.
(9) When you're done drying, put your
hair back in a ponytail holder for at least 5 minutes. This
allows all the hot air trapped in your hair to get out so your hair
isn't too puffy.
(10) After 5 minutes or more you
will still have a bunch of frizzy hair strands sticking up thanks to
the magnetic field that was emanating from the hair dryer. At
this final step, I take my hair out of the ponytail holder, apply one
drop of Laminates Drops (Sebastian) to one palm, rub the Laminates
in a circular motion between my hands so they are both covered in
it, then start applying it to the back of my head with both hands
first because a lot of it will come off at first application and you
don't want a bunch on the top of your head because it will look wet
or greasy. Rub it into your ends, then finally get back to the
top of your head and rub it in and make sure you get the frizzy
strands so they will lie down. Keep rubbing it into your hair
until your hands have no
more Laminates on them. Wash your
hands, brush your hair and you're done!
Here's a link to Sebastian Hair Products:
http://www.zhair.com/sebastian.html#anchor440690
Shooting Pool With A Mini Cue
I'm 18 years old and
don't feel I'm fully matured yet. My father has quite a lot of
body hair while I bear quite less than his manly shag. I only
shave about 3 times a week because honestly that's all I need to
shave. I sang high tenor in high school up and I don't ever
recall a radical voice change with cracking and what not.
Lastly my penis is only 4 maybe 4 1/2 inches long, erect. Now
I'm told that for a white male that is not _exceptionally_ small but
I must confess I've watched my share of porno and spent my time in
the men's shower while I played football in high school and I am
quite certain I am not very well endowed compared to some. Now
I am however a very well built youth. At 6' 2'' 220 lbs. I'm
quite a large boy and my body seems to have developed quite well
muscularly. But in talking with my father about some of this
he said his largest growth spurt came when he was 19, as well as
other members of the family, cousins and what not. But he was
referring to height and body mass rather than penal size. So
perhaps the little wily still has some growing left in
him.
Is there anything wrong medically
with using a penis enlarger. Are they safe? Particularly
if used before one is fully mature? Should I ask my dad about
his penis? Is this sort of thing hereditary? Should I
even concern myself? Does size HONESTLY not make sex more
enjoyable for my partner? And I guess lastly how would one go
about obtaining one? Or would it be better to consult a
doctor?
-Miniknob
Well, for starters, I'd lay
off the steroids. If you're not taking steroids then I would suggest
that you wait a few years longer; your body is still growing and
hopefully your peepsflute will catch up to the rest of you.
Regarding sex, if your partner isn't satisfied with your noz size,
you might want to get good at munching
box.
Kornholio
About a year and 6
months ago, I came across a beauty of a woman in the Computer Game
Developers Conference. Challengers lined up to take on
this Vixen at the gamespy booth in a 1 on 1 fight to the death
in Quake2 all for a T shirt.
Needless to say, I was one of those slobbering blundering
fools standing in line to take her on. The moment I caught
glimpse of her eyes my heart lurched in my chest. Her light
frame, her delicate hands massaging the keyboard, her straight
brown hair and dark alluring eyes... oh I was on fire. I
quickly took the chair and for the next 5 minutes I was thrashed
around by rockets, bullets and railslugs. Through the ordeal I
only managed to wing her with a railgun one time. It was utter
glee. Being mangled by such a woman was so stimulating.
I left defeated, with a sudden urge to put my arms around this woman
and kiss her passionately. Since then I have been obsessed by
this warrior woman only known to me as Kornelia.
I
have pics of her I collected off the internet all over my
desktop. I Even named my Quake2 female action Figure
"Kornelia and her dog Splotch". Every day I dream of
Kornelia. When I scan the countless servers on gamespy, I
seek her out, in hopes that we may make a connection again.
This went on for 8 months, and was beginning to injure my personal
life. I went through therapy and managed to get her out of my
head for a while. That was until I went to E3. On
Friday afternoon I wandered overto the Quake3 booth to see the game in
action. Kornelia walked up and went to the terminal right in
front of me. She spent a few mins configuring the game to her
liking then began to thrash her adversaries in Quake3.
Instantly I fell in love. I wanted to talk to her, but I was
worried about interrupting her game. Then I had a meeting in
an hour so I decided to stand there and watch her play, in hopes
that she would take a break. Of course this didn't happen.
Every night since, I have dreamt about Kornelia. The way she
frags with such style just turns me on so much. Oh
Mynx, What do I do? I know I blew it twice now.. is there any
way I can win my way into Kornelia's heart?
-Kornstalker
I think it's
natural for guys to get turned on by a girl
who is better than they are at a
sport they both enjoy. If you're too shy to talk to
her in person, you should drop her an email and pour it
all out for her. You never know, she might remember you and that could
be the start of something special!
He's Just "Sensitive"
I have a problem that relates
to Quake 2, involving a match I had when I was leader of a LMCTF
clan, and the my old clan and other involved clans shall remain
anonymous. At anyrate, back to what I was any going to
relate to you... When I was 3-5 years old, I used
to cry about myself losing ANY type of game, be it on PC, Nintendo,
or any other gaming system. Now, years later, around fall '98,
my clan was a tournament ladder, and we had two wins and no
losses. I prepared my clan with many strategies for a game
that was coming up soon, and we wanted to win it so badly because we
were getting in the twenties of the ladder, and we knew the
challenge would drastically increase.
Come around game
time, it turns out that the whole other clan really beat the living
day lights out of all of us... I tried to regroup and make assault
after assault, but they kept on flawing us at every turn. At
the end of the game, we had 1 or 2 captures, (one i made) but they
had at least 9.
After
the game, for some odd reason
(yep, you guessed it) I started crying and shouting "its not fair"
and all that other stuff that 13 year olds and through 18 dont realize...
The thing that most surprised me was that I couldn't
control myself, even after years of just laying back, offering my
hand and saying "good game"!
Now, months later, I still
cringe to play Quake 2 and my heart almost aches when I am in the
same map and under certain conditions... What could I do to overcome
this fear and become a great player again?
-Crybaby
It seems as
though you are just getting totally wrapped-up in your game playing, all
the way to the exclusion of emotional control. When
I'm deathmatching, I usually get so immersed that I scream profanities and start
smashing things, even important stuff that shouldn't be destroyed.
If I concentrate on not acting-out during play, I can control it but I usually don't
have as much fun. My advice is if it doesn't annoy or hurt
anyone else, why stop? But if your behavior is affecting your
playing skills, then you really should concentrate on being calm and
cool while you're getting smacked around.
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